Let’s start here: “Moving on” is never the goal after the loss of a child – moving forward is. We’re here to empower your family to take the next step.
The loss of a child is a heartbreaking and complex event for any parent. It’s not only the death of a beloved and unique family member but a seismic shift in the fabric of your lives. Those who haven’t experienced this kind of grief are often surprised to find out that our IVF Australia services are sought by couples who have weathered the devastating loss of a child.
It’s indisputable that the death of a child, at any age, is an irreplaceable loss. However, the news of a new baby can help to heal and restore hope in a meaningful way. Guiding couples in overcoming fertility obstacles on their journey to parenthood is our honour at Gender Selection Australia – providing a path forward for grieving parents is one of the ways we do this.
The grieving process
“Overwhelming and isolating.” This is one description we’ve heard when discussing the loss of a child. Whether through illness or accident, a child’s death leaves a never-ending impact. Parents of a deceased child will find their homes – and indeed wider worlds – filled with reminders of their pain.
Miscarriage, the loss of an embryo or fetus (depending on the stage of development) in utero, isn’t just a devastating loss and disappointment, it can dash the hopes of would-be first-time parents or those hoping to add a much-hoped-for addition to their family. It can also be uncomfortable and painful physically during the miscarriage and in the recovery process.
Prospective parents already engaged in the IVF process will speak to the pain and grief of a poor egg yield or, later in the process, embryo loss. After transfer, ideally, the embryo will implant into the lining of the uterus, where it will continue to grow. When the embryo does not attach, the couple will be confronted with a failed transfer. If the embryo begins to attach but falls away soon after, the couple will endure a chemical pregnancy.
Whether you’ve experienced the loss of a child, miscarriage or the failure of an IVF cycle, grief can put a heavy strain on your mental health and relationships. Engaging the help of trusted mental health professionals and surrounding yourself with supportive loved ones is an important step in dealing with loss in a healthier way.
Moving forward as a family 
For the couples we assist at Gender Selection Australia, IVF is an empowering decision. It’s an exciting and healing step towards bringing new hope and joy into their lives after dark days of grief. Every couple is different in their timeline to taking this monumental step toward the future.
It should go without saying that the wonderful news of an impending arrival does not replace the child you’ve lost. That child will live on in your hearts and memories as a distinct and individual life – no matter what stage of development the loss occurred. However, a new baby can bring a refreshed sense of purpose and happiness for the whole family.
Common challenges and pressures
Our biological clocks don’t always have the same timelines and plans as we do. The aging process, particularly for women, can create a sense of urgency to fall pregnant after loss. This pressure is the last thing a grieving couple needs. Did you know that with the help of our team at Gender Selection Australia, you can freeze your embryos until you’re ready to try to conceive again? This means that you can create embryos at the age you are now, i.e. “locking in” the success rate associated with your current egg quality and age.
Another challenge grieving couples experience is poor communication. When complex grief and trauma take hold, couples can fall victim to communication breakdown and emotional distancing. For most couples navigating the gut-wrenching grief of child loss, this is an unfamiliar experience. It’s hard to predict how your partner will act and what they will need to heal during a time of extreme sadness and stress. Open dialogue through any IVF process is important. Speaking with your partner about your feelings can help you to stay aligned.
Do you have other children? If so, they will, of course, be also dealing with loss in their own way. Grief can be confusing for children to navigate, especially as their parents try to make sense of their own feelings simultaneously. Leaning on relatives and trusted friends to help with caregiving can help provide a sense of normalcy while tending to your own emotional needs.
Your unique path to healing
Before undergoing any IVF journey, it’s important to be emotionally and mentally prepared. Our team goes to every effort to ensure each cycle entrusted to us is conducted smoothly and with thorough communication. We strive to reduce stress and make your IVF experience comfortable.
Professional support through one-on-one mental health care, couples’ counselling, or support groups can give context to your grief and help you to consider factors you might not have thought of on your own. Remember: this is a new experience for you. It makes sense to reach out for support and coping strategies from the professionals.
Ensure your self-care regime is solid before embarking on your IVF journey. The fog of grief can make healthy eating, exercise and regular sleep patterns feel just too difficult. Make the time to work on taking care of yourself and engage specialist support when you need it. Remember: safeguarding your well-being will help you embody the best parent you can be.
Each healing journey is different. While one couple might benefit from mindfulness and spiritual support, another may find hope and solace in goal-setting and a structured routine – or a combination of all of those strategies and more. We’re here to help you by making the IVF process as smooth and transparent as possible while you focus on your emotional and physical wellbeing.
Dr Potter and our team at Gender Selection Australia understand the resilience it takes to navigate grief and seek joy again through IVF. We’re here to help despite the setbacks and heartaches our clients face. If you’re exploring bringing another child into the world after loss, we encourage you to reach out to our compassionate and professional team today. We’re here to help.